Friday, February 20, 2009

If You Give A Politician A Rhyming Dictionary

I read that the Kipling-quoting former governor is shopping a manuscript around. One hopes it's not a children's story, lest it read something like this:

If you can keep your bedtime when all about you
Are sent to bed early and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all siblings doubt you
But want allowance while shouting, too,
If you can skate, and not be tired by skating,
Or playing dodgeball, don’t deal in size,
Or on playdates, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t mouth off, nor talk too wise;

If you can scheme--yet not make schemes of disaster,
If you can drink--and make soda pop your aim;
If you can meet with Defiance and Scoutmaster
And treat those big bosses just the same;
If you can hear the truth your parents have spoken, and
Twist their words, and break the rules,
Or watch the things others gave you, broken,
Never to be mended with worn-out tools:

If you can make jokes about disciplining,
And eat no fruit but applesauce,
And choose, and smirk while grinning,
To never bother to brush nor floss;
If you can fall apart and yet continue
To take your turn till all are gone,
And so hold on until they spin you:
Pin the Tail on the Donkey – it must go on.

If you can talk when brother threatens to hurt you;
Or swing on swings, and not fall too much;
If blowing your nose, your manners dessert you;
If neatness counts, but not too much,
If you can fill a neverending minute
With nonstop talk, and verbal run:
Yours is the Earth – and everything in it:
For you are a child, dear little one.

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